Breaking The Shackles

I haven't updated for awhile, as I'm sure you've noticed. I'm well aware of that fact, and don't need to be told otherwise. I don't update just for the sake of updating. I have a lot going on, and sometimes need time to put all my thoughts and feelings into words.

Things aren't going "well" for me. The head-hancho of the company (I refuse to call it a school), wants me fired, whereas the DOS (think General Manager/Manager) wants me to stay. I'm under a lot of pressure and I don't like it. They took 2 more classes away from me, due to complaints and parents saying they'd like their money back if they didn't get a different teacher. I simply don't think this is my thing anymore - maybe not EFL teaching anyways. I don't think I exhibit the correct type of personality to give these parents what they're expecting. I'm an anti-social, down-to-earth, serious, cold sort of person. Yea I'm a nice guy, but that's not what they want. They want someone who is fun, and energetic, motivating, and willing to do things that may make a fool of themselves. I'm convinced, although I've been told otherwise, that in this business entertainment is greater than education. They want the parents to think the kid is having a good time, they want the kid to tell the parents they are having a good time, and maybe, just maybe learn a little something to prove to mum and dad that they picked something up. Even if it's one word. Do I agree with this: NO!

Whenever I ask what the complaints against me are, I never get the full story - I just get a synopsis. They find class boring, they find class too easy, they don't think I discipline well enough. Well I've tried to make class more fun, by doing thigns other teachers do and I get told by the dos "I don't think you understand what we mean by fun." I tell them I'm simply going by the books as to what to do for class, it's not like I've DONE these classes before, it's new to me too. "Well, maybe you need to not use the book and incorporate your own stuff." Well genius, like I said maybe after I've taught the class once or twice I can do that, but not the first time. Then the discipline, that's just off the wall. I don't know what they're talking about. It's not like there are fist fights going on in class. I simply don't know anymore.

The question came up of if I'd be completing my contract or not, at the time when I was in the office I said I was about 80% sure I would... Now though, after I've had some time to think about what was said, and all of that, I don't want to be there anymore. This job has turned into the worst employment experience I've had yet. I felt better being laid off from RMH than this, and I was losing my job then!

Evidently, after speaking with some locals, people here in Wuhan at least consider a good teacher one that plays games with them. I don't get it... China is renowned for it's intelligent people, yet to me it seems like none of them want to learn anything... There is the ocasional exception, but the majority are falling into that classification. Who knows?

I'm sure I'll get some lengthy comments about just doing what you've got to do, work isn't fun, blah blah blah. Don't want to hear it, I'm telling you now. I should also point out that none of my co-workers and I really have anything in common. They want to drink/smoke/party, I don't want to. There is talk about me - I hear things. Doug tells me some things too, but he never goes into detail. He's got other things on his mind I'm sure.

So I guess people are going to wonder what I'm going to do. Will I be staying here, will I be going home? The answer to that question is unclear at the moment. I'm going to be speaking with some friends tomorrow seeking advice - and hopefully I'll have a plan then. If I do go home, I'll be going to school... Probably in Denton where Stoerm is working - if not there, maybe San Antonio, or San Marcus. Haven't fully decided yet. I've spoken w/ dad briefly about what was going on, and he said He'd understand if I went home, but hoped I could stay. I was glad to hear that.

Anyways, enough about work, sort of.

As you know we had the Halloween Party... I was in a bad mood the whole night, partially because it was my day off and I didn't want to go, and I had just gotten the news that I've talked about above the night before. I went to sleep real early that night and woke up at like 6am to Doug slamming doors and being extremly loud. I tried to go back to sleep and couldn't, so I got up and left. I ventured down the road near our place that has a lot of food outlets, street food that is. This is the first time I'd been here in the morning, I hate mornings! It was hoppin! I was hungry so I looked around and couldn't decide what to get. I was thinking about getting these peanut butter/sesame oil breakfast noodles that are good, but they're a little weird sometimes. I saw this guy frying something and watched for awhile. He had different types of things, so I was trying to figure out what they were, but was unable to do so. I decided to try one so I pointed at one showed 2 on my fingers and handed him a 5 - I got 4 back... First good sign! I then decided to buy a drink from the little convient store, and then I was like I don't want to go home, so I went to the internet cafe. It was dead! Like 10 people includding me maybe. So I paid, tried to use my card but it didn't work. I had to go back up to the lady at the counter and explain to her in broken english that it wasn't working. She eventually tried it and found out what I was trying to explain. I think this lady is a robot - she's here all hours of the day, everyday I've been here. I don't see her sleeping, I do see her eating sometimes. She also smiles and giggles at me, she probably likes me lol. Anyways I got that sorted out so it was time to try the whatever it is I bought. I took a bite and noticed that it was kind of like funnel cake batter. Crispy on the outside, soft in the middle, but real thin. There was a buldge at the bottom, and the whole thing was omlet shaped. I took a bite of the buldge and there were noodles inside! Anyways the whole thing was good, both of them and I'd get them again. I think I'll try one of the other kinds next time to see what they're like. I stayed at the cafe for 5 hours, this is where I talked to dad for a bit. Went back to the convient store and bought another drink and some chips then went home. I was getting out of the elevator on the 19th floor (our floor) and guess who's standing outside waiting to get on the elevator... That's right Doug is! He tells me a couple of the guys were going to KFC and wanted to know if I was going. I didn't feel like speaking so I just showed him the bag with the stuff I bought. He said he knew I bought the stuff but wanted to know if I would go. I walked to the door and put my stuff in there then went with them.

So we walked down to KFC, it's like a 5 mins walk if that - very close. No one was there, so that upset me more. We stood outside waiting for them, Doug ran off to take some pictures of motorcycles. I stood in one spot the whole time, looking at girls as they walked by. One of them eventually showed up so we went inside and ordered... Again I haven't spoken a word, not even to the order taker. Times passes, we get our food, eat it, Two people at the table of four are talking, two aren't. They decide to go to a DVD shop, and I decide to go home.

I get home and take a shower, and by the time I'm done Doug is already home and dressed for the party. He leaves and I continued to get ready. I wore my costume while walking to school and at one point a women looked behind her and sees me walking behind her as well. I guess she got scared because she started to walk faster, and eventually went into a full sprint (with heels mind you)... That was kind of nice feeling inside. I decided to walk the back way because there is some type of official building (government maybe) that we walk by if we go the regular way, and I didn't want any problems. I got lots of scared looks and security guards looking a little questionable about me walking. More time passes.

So I get to school and step out of the elevator, co-workers tell me they like it, keep in mind I still haven't spoken a word since I got up this morning, it's now approaching 4:00pm. Then... Then the chinese staff girl that I like sees me and starts smilling and say how very handsome I look... I had to speak then. We walk to the hotel where the party is - Doug walks w/ the Co-Workers... I walk w/ the chinese staff (girls) and philip a chinese english teacher. We setup do our thing and go home... I don't feel like explaining everything - Maybe Doug will, this post is already long enough.

After the party, they were going to get together to.... you guessed it, drink. I declined and went home, then came back to the internet cafe where I stayed for awhile and got into an argument over messenger w/ doug. I then went home and went to sleep.

Not much worth noting that happened today. Sat around the apartment, watched movies, slept late. Doug went out w/ that girl he met - said it went well - I'm sure he'll explain more. Then he left again to ... dun dun dun ... go to a bar, which I declined to do again.

So that's the story of my life: Work is bad, I don't go out w/ co-workers, and I sleep a lot.

Enjoy this picture of the easter bunny participating in halloween

Happy Halloween For All of you back home... Wish I could be there.

Oh and I want one of these: http://www.apple.com/macbookpro/ or even but those will be seeing an update before the end of the year I believe, so I'd rather wait on that. Yeah I know too much money, but I still want one.

Wow long comment Grandma... I'm too tired right now to answer everything - but I'll make sure I do so...

Not much to talk about right now... It's 4am and I'm sitting in an Internet Cafe on my day off. We have a halloween party coming up on 10/30/06, but Halloween isn't a holiday that is celebrated here in China. Lots of the kids know what it is and like it though, and since we're teaching English, we try to hold English Holiday events I guess. A seamstress came by and took my measurments. I'm getting a Sith Robe made from Star Wars... I'm not expecting much as from what I've heard they don't turn out that well, but it'll be something I guess. I wonder if I'll get to keep it :)

The week went by as normal - don't really want to talk about it much, because by now I think everyone knows how I feel about work at this moment. I'm down to 10 RMB until Wednesday, which is pay day. That's not including savings, but I consider that off-limits and don't even count it in my daily allowance.

Went to a club w/ Doug and some co-workers today... Met the girl that Doug met... She seems to be into me, which is a curse that has haunted Doug with every girl he's dated. I wasn't even trying to do anything, but she eventually asked me to dance - I kept saying no, but she persisted so I obliged. I wouldn't say she has a dog face, she's not overally attractive, a little chubby for a chinese girl, but I wouldn't say she's ugly. Just somewhere below average to average looking. She seems nice... Hope things work out with her and Doug... He seems to be trying a little too hard though, but that's just one man's simple observation - take it with a grain of salt. Dancing (something I don't do, or know really how to do) was nice though, I miss the companionship of a female, and having that connection brought back a lot of emotional memories and made me feel a little bummed out.

The music selection tonight was really good too, that is until one of our Canadian co-workers showed up, whom the DJ has a thing for. She always goes and asks him to play some hip-hop garbage that I hate. The music went downhill after that, but eventually got better.

Hmm what else... Oh I know... We unplugged our refridge because it had ice building up in the back of it. It also has this annoying red light on all the time, so we though by letting it defrost it would make the red light stop. Mind you all the controls are in chinese, so we don't really know what any of it means, but normally a red light on an appliance is not a good thing. There is also a green one that is on all the time. So anyways, we let it defrost - it was funny because Doug was able to pull the big huge chunk of ice out after a couple hours all intact. We decided it would be fun to drop it off the balcony from the 19th floor at some late hour of the night. It ended up hitting a side rail and shattering causing a bunch of noise. We kind of quickly went back to our room, but it was fun to do and see :)

I've been talking to a lot of people about how I've been feeling lately, not just you guys, and it's been helping. I still don't agree with the way things are done, and I still don't know what exactly I'll be doing, but it's been nice to voice my opinions and thoughts and not really get ridiculed... I'm not even going to bother responding to Doug's response that was a response to what I posted because I don't think any of you really want to read an argument going on between us. So I'm just going to leave it as it is.

We also ate a lot of Jiao zi (dumplings) today too - they were great - I love them! I was going to take a picture of them with my cell phone, but I was too hungry and decided not too :p You'll have to forgive me on that!

Anyways, I'm tired and I think I should be going home!

Well, I've come to realise that I'm not happy with work. It's been made clear to me that the "school" is not actually a school. It's a business, because of this it's primary focus is making money, due to not having any funding. Now this may sound all fine and dandy, but it's not. Everything is about money... so much so that I feel the "school" part of it is simply an illusion. They want to do everything possible to please the parents that they don't really care about anything else.

So, what is the side effect of this do you think? Right, it's all about earning the business money. So Parents have waaaay to much power. They complain, and all of a sudden it's a problem for ME because the business doesn't want to admit blame to the parent because they want them to continue to bring their child here so that they can get more money. Secondly during classes they want me to be more of an entertainer, and not a teacher. They want me to be upbeat, enthusiastic, and energetic alst while playing dumb games. I mean dumb games, like hang man, or red light - green light, or something with a play ball or fly swatters. It's so bad even that I don't even feel or think the "school" cares if the child learns English or not. Just so it looks like we're a) doing something, and b) the child is having fun. They don't want the child to go home and complain to the parent about anything because then they're potentailly out of money. The real thing that just upsets me the most is that the school has a "no fail policy." Meaning, if a students is not good, and at the end fails, the fault is blamed on the teacher and the student gets to move on. The student can also take the same course again at no charge, but that rarely happens - they want them to pay so they simply move them up to the next level.

Bah, I wish I could simply find something that I enjoyed doing for once. I've been so down lately that I've been considering coming home. I feel like there isn't anything for me to do here either. I mean, I like being in China, but really it's about going to bar(s) and drinking. I can't communicate with anyone on my own, past a few simple requests from food vendors by pointing and showing how many with my fingers. So I have to rely on what my co-workers want to do, which ends up being drinking.

Turns out we're having a Halloween party on the 30th of the month, but I don't know what I'll be doing. Seems like there is no time to get any sort of costume done, and I don't even know what I want to be.

I've decided to hold off on the purchase of a computer, until I figure out if I'll be staying here or not. Well I have a class at 9am and it's 2:30am so I should probably get home and try to sleep some more, something I seem to be doing a lot (or at least trying.)

Take care

Here is a quick 13 second film of Wuchang, Wuhan at night:



Pretty neat huh? Oh, and Doug and I aren't on the same page, and probably never will be about certain things. I don't usually read his blog, because it's like reading someone's journal, but for some reason I decided too, and noticed that he talked about me several times, usually in a negative aspect. I'm not going to start a "flame war" but I'll just say that he's more accepting of certain things, or is forcing himself to like something, I can't tell. He certainly isn't happy here all the time, he complains a lot, he raises his voice, he sighs, he questions logic of people, he simply walks out without saying anything at a gathering, he slams doors while insulting me because I don't want to go out. Co-workers get upset w/ him, I have co-workers asking me if he's okay, or why he does this or why he does that... Seems very familiar if you ask me. It annoys me that almost every post he talks about being 'wealthy here' and 'getting paid a lot' - I mean we're not getting paid all that much... 5500 yuan, which is about 695.305 USD. Less than HALF of what I was making back home... Sure it goes farther here in China, but it's not like we'll be staying here forever... Well maybe he will, who knows. I do own a car, one that I love back home... We're simply not on the same page, and like I said I don't think that'll ever change. I don't want to say anything more, he'll probably read this and then I'll have him questioning me about it. Then I'll simply not want to talk about it, and it'll turn into an argument. Whatever.

Bye.

Enjoy!

I only have one class today, it's only an hour long and starts at 7:00pm. However, we have a teacher's meeting every week on Wednesday at 11:30am, so that means getting up early. We discussed the Halloween Party we will be throwing, possibly after the Halloween Day. It's not a celebrated 'Day' here, but since we're an English school, we try to hold events for the days that are celebrated in and amongst America.

I again could not sleep, woke up with dark black circles under both my eyes. No foil for the windows, it's kind of expensive, they're big windows, and I'd like to be able to look out the windows too. I even used the blindfold thing again.

Life has become pretty routine here... Wake up, go to work, eat, watch a movie, go to sleep, wash rinse repeat. Not that it's bad or anything, just the 'pizaz' of being here has kind of worn off. The pollution keeps me indoor as much as possible, and life really isn't that much different than back at home, as long as you throw cultural differences out the window. We eat, We Sleep, We Work, We Play... People are people no matter where you go, and they all pretty much do the same thing.

Depression... Looking back, I think this is something I've delt with for a long time, and may actually be a "problem" for me. It's not that I want to be down, it's just how I feel. I wouldn't say I've defeated myself, but it's just the way you feel when you wake up in the morning. People don't want to be depressed (sane people anyways), there is no fun in it. I might want to get a more professional opinion at some point, but I think it'd be a safe bet.

Just as Doug said, I find it very difficult to get along with most of my co-workers. Mainly because of the difference in opinions. Some people just don't mesh well with others, and I think I might be one of those people. I've always been kind of a solo kind of guy, and I enjoy it most of the time.

I spoke with some friends from home on MSN... It was nice to speak with them. Seems like times are kind of tuff for everyone, but that's life. As long as ones focus is intact, you should be able to get through almost anything. Living here hasn't been easy on numerous levels, but I'm doing it, and that's what counts.

I think there might be a girl here that is interested in me, but I'm not sure I want to get into any kind of relationship right now. I'm not sure what her intentions are yet either, they haven't been that clear.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time at the Internet Cafe, although I didn't go last night because I'm running low on money. Doug went though... He has even less money than I do. May not have been the smartest thing for him to do, but we'll manage, so it's no big deal. I'm trying to make it to the 25th without taking any money out of my PC savings envelope. I'm not sure I'll make it though. While at the cafe, I watch a lot of stuff on YouTube, and just try to not think about anything. Sometimes you need to let everything go, and I find that when I'm there I can do that. I play some games, listen to some music, browse the internet, and chat with some friends.

What do you all think about this whole Korean Nuclear testing?


Well time has gotten away so I should be going, below are some videos I've enjoyed off of YouTube - just click the Play sign to start them.

And finally some Questions and Answer:
Do you like to read? Occasionally
What does the school offer? Maybe they have some things.They're supposed to offer Chinese Lessons, but they haven't been doing them.
I would think they would want to keep their employees happy. They do strive too, which is why they're always asking about me
Check with some of the other teachers, maybe they know of other things to do. They just want to go to bars and drink
How easy is it to talk to your boss? Pretty Easy, now if he's listening or not is a different question.
Can you recommend some things to him to consider? We basically work for a corporation, so I don't think so.
Classes you might like to take? I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do in my life, so that's a long ways away.
Think hard on what you would like to do now and later. That's the problem, I think too much and don't act.
What do they do where you are at? Don't quite understand the question... They don't celebrate Halloween if that's what you're asking.
What are their customs? More then enough info on this on the internet, would take too long for me to go into.


Anime Music Video



A Japanese Artist I Really Like:



Funny - Bad Music Though:

I'm still around - I just haven't been up to putting everything into words. Not quite sure how to describe how I've been feeling recently. Saturday's are by far the worst day. Well I guess I'll tell the events that stick in my mind from my last real entry....

So we went on Holiday, and during this time the School was closed, which meant that we were unable to use a computer. The streets were packed, and things were happening everywhere. We went down to Computer City again and they had some deals going on. I tried to purchase a computer using my Credit Card from back in the states, but their machine wouldn't read my card, so I guess I can't use it here in China. Good to know! During that week we also went to a place called Metro. Pretty cool place, kind of like a Sam's except not bulk, and more expensive. It's supposed to be a store for foreigners and High Ranking officials, but how could they stay in business if they did that. So there are lots of regular people there too. Doug made some tacos, to celebrate our 1 month in China. It was pretty good, but the meat tasted like it was from an old cow, and I didn't like the bread we used much, but it was still pretty good. Went to some clubs with the co-workers one night too... I don't like going, but they start to question if I don't go every once in awhile, so I figured I'd endure boredum and go just for their sake. They did have some pole dancers at one bar though, they don't strip, but they sure can dance... It was quite amazing. She even traversed herself up the entire pole and was holding herself at the top for several mins. Good stuff - not the greatest looking girl eiher, but she could dance.

Let's see what else - Did a lot of walking, tried calling some people but couldn't get through, discovered this internet cafe that I'm sitting in right now. Just random stuff happened that week.

Yesterday (Sunday) we went bowling as a 'Team Building' activity for the school. I didn't want to go, but I ended up doing quite well. As a matter of fact, my team got first place out of everyone. I got a small prize. We then went to an italian place and I got a pizza. They messed it up, but I told them that it was okay, and I didn't think I made a big deal about it. When we were about to leave they brought out a little pizza with everything I wanted on it and appologized again. I was surprised and made sure to let them know I was thankful. The place is very European Feeling, another place I think Dad would enjoy.

Doug bought a guitar, it's got to be one of the most hideous things I've ever seen in my life. He thinks it's ugly too. Looks like a turd!

I feel like this whole EFL teaching might not be for me, so I don't know what I'll be doing next year, but I'm going to stick it out for this year. Still early, maybe things will change, but as of right now I'm not really enjoying the job much at all. It's too much of being an entertainer rather than a teacher, and that's not something I like.

Well this post was kind of scattered, kind of how I've been feeling lately, but my time in the Cafe is almost over, so I need to cut it off now.

-Tom

I think I'll go for a walk.

Hello All,

This is going to be a short post, just wanted to let everyone know that I wasn't dead... We were on Holiday (5 days), and during that time the school (my internet connections) was closed. Upon arriving to work today, the internet still wasn't working, so here I sit in an internet cafe to do the things I needed to do...

I've got lots to talk about, but I'll be saving that for another time.


Take care