Not happy...
Well, I've come to realise that I'm not happy with work. It's been made clear to me that the "school" is not actually a school. It's a business, because of this it's primary focus is making money, due to not having any funding. Now this may sound all fine and dandy, but it's not. Everything is about money... so much so that I feel the "school" part of it is simply an illusion. They want to do everything possible to please the parents that they don't really care about anything else.
So, what is the side effect of this do you think? Right, it's all about earning the business money. So Parents have waaaay to much power. They complain, and all of a sudden it's a problem for ME because the business doesn't want to admit blame to the parent because they want them to continue to bring their child here so that they can get more money. Secondly during classes they want me to be more of an entertainer, and not a teacher. They want me to be upbeat, enthusiastic, and energetic alst while playing dumb games. I mean dumb games, like hang man, or red light - green light, or something with a play ball or fly swatters. It's so bad even that I don't even feel or think the "school" cares if the child learns English or not. Just so it looks like we're a) doing something, and b) the child is having fun. They don't want the child to go home and complain to the parent about anything because then they're potentailly out of money. The real thing that just upsets me the most is that the school has a "no fail policy." Meaning, if a students is not good, and at the end fails, the fault is blamed on the teacher and the student gets to move on. The student can also take the same course again at no charge, but that rarely happens - they want them to pay so they simply move them up to the next level.
Bah, I wish I could simply find something that I enjoyed doing for once. I've been so down lately that I've been considering coming home. I feel like there isn't anything for me to do here either. I mean, I like being in China, but really it's about going to bar(s) and drinking. I can't communicate with anyone on my own, past a few simple requests from food vendors by pointing and showing how many with my fingers. So I have to rely on what my co-workers want to do, which ends up being drinking.
Turns out we're having a Halloween party on the 30th of the month, but I don't know what I'll be doing. Seems like there is no time to get any sort of costume done, and I don't even know what I want to be.
I've decided to hold off on the purchase of a computer, until I figure out if I'll be staying here or not. Well I have a class at 9am and it's 2:30am so I should probably get home and try to sleep some more, something I seem to be doing a lot (or at least trying.)
Take care
Here is a quick 13 second film of Wuchang, Wuhan at night:
Pretty neat huh? Oh, and Doug and I aren't on the same page, and probably never will be about certain things. I don't usually read his blog, because it's like reading someone's journal, but for some reason I decided too, and noticed that he talked about me several times, usually in a negative aspect. I'm not going to start a "flame war" but I'll just say that he's more accepting of certain things, or is forcing himself to like something, I can't tell. He certainly isn't happy here all the time, he complains a lot, he raises his voice, he sighs, he questions logic of people, he simply walks out without saying anything at a gathering, he slams doors while insulting me because I don't want to go out. Co-workers get upset w/ him, I have co-workers asking me if he's okay, or why he does this or why he does that... Seems very familiar if you ask me. It annoys me that almost every post he talks about being 'wealthy here' and 'getting paid a lot' - I mean we're not getting paid all that much... 5500 yuan, which is about 695.305 USD. Less than HALF of what I was making back home... Sure it goes farther here in China, but it's not like we'll be staying here forever... Well maybe he will, who knows. I do own a car, one that I love back home... We're simply not on the same page, and like I said I don't think that'll ever change. I don't want to say anything more, he'll probably read this and then I'll have him questioning me about it. Then I'll simply not want to talk about it, and it'll turn into an argument. Whatever.
Bye.
Tommy, I'm sorry you are not happy, but you are not alone in this world! Sometimes you just have to 'BE HAPPY' and enjoy looking forward to the next day. Try to make the best of the situation and learn what you can about making a life for yourself. This is your first try, you can;t possibly get it right the first time. Don't sit around and dwell on the negative, get out and find someting positive! If there is a nice girl available that wants to talk to you, perhaps even kiss and hug you a little, and if you are so inclined.....go for it! As long as you don't make babies, there is no committment, and she could probably help with your feeling down. Maybe she is feeling down and NEEDS you to help her make it through the next day.
Can't tell, you might even like it!
As far as drinking with co-workers, do you have to drink alcholic beverages? Don't they have an equivalent to Iced Tea? Or maybe even the soy milk drinks you were talking about? Maybe you don;t have to drink anything at all, but you could sit and enjoy the company! Tell them you are allergic to what ever, and just enjoy them! It would have to be entertaining, and maybe you could even pick up a little Chinese language.
It would seem to me that you are there for a reason, find out what it is, Honey. Try everything you can possibly manage, it will help you grow and develope.
Hey, for a Halloween costume, why don't you dress up like a little Chinese Boy? Shave your head, paint on black, thick eyebrows really go for it. Doug had the look going before you all left. Do you see the straw hats that are a little like the ones you see in Mexico, tied with a string under your chin?
Or you could do my witch thing. Since they don't celebrate the day, you would no doubt have trouble finding the 'nose' Maybe you could make a jackolantern paper head and just fit it down over yours. Don't know what you have to work with, but if it is for the kids, something simple should be fun. You'll figure it out.
As for our vacation, we had a very busy schedule, were gone 19 days and came home completely exhausted. Even Holly & Cliff were beat. We visited Washington, D.C. walked up pretty close to the White House. It is very beautiful, much more so than it would seem when you see it on TV. It was sort of exciting as we could see secret service men on the roof, patrolling and watching.
We took a 5 hour bus tour of the city, it was very enlightening, and beautiful. Don & Cliff enjoyed the Smithsonian Institute, Holly and I did too, but maybe not to the same degree. I was VERY impressed when I stepped up to the Apollo module, and found it was pretty small. Like imagine 3 office chairs, like I sit in with the rollers, etc. and back them up together around a column down the center. Then put controls and such around the outside edge, and 3 men could just barely get in there. I would guess it was about 6' in diameter. My respect for the astronouts really mushroomed. WOW! Grandpa had watched Apollo 13 several times and it always put me to sleep, but as luck would have it, that night in the hotel it was showing again....this time it got my attention.
We visited Manassas, where the war of 1812 began, we went to Philladelphia and saw the Liberty Bell, and it really is cracked!Ha. We drove out and visited the Amish community with all the horses and buggies, and beautiful farms lined with painted white wooden fences to divide them all up. Every house had a clothesline full of laundry, like we have lots of yards with flags.
We went to New York, Manhattan Island was the main focus of our tour, toured the Intrepid, an air craft carrier that fought in 38 missions and is now moored on Pier 81 for everyone to enjoy. We went to a broadway show, 'Phantom of the Opera' It was spectacular. Cliff was neverous driving in all that traffic, but did very well, with all the rest of us telling him which way to go and park here/park there, left, right...you know!
We visited the Empire State Building, what a fantastic sight, the observation deck was on the 89 floor, I believe it was, and of course it was pouring down rain. But that didn't matter, and we didn't care. Just hand onto your jacket, umbrella, camera and any money you might have left, and just drink it in. Enjoy!
At least now we know where most of the action shows on TV are filmed, Manhattan! At nite the skyscrappers are all ablaze with advertisments, like on TV all over the sides of the buildings...don't need any street lites, parking for the show we attended cost 30.00 for 4 hours! Toll roads everywhere, and we had a heck of a time finding a Mexican Resteruant. But was it ever worth it.
I think we were a little homesick too. That was a pretty long time away from home, and work. We take great comfort in our work, You will develop that ability too, but first you have to put your heart and soul into it, and learn to appreciate the gift of work. What would folks do without meaningful work?
I know you will make it through the first year, and even come home feeling very proud of your accomplishment, just the fact that you did it! I don't imagine you wil be able to redirect China into appreciating American ways, tho I am sure you wish you could change some of their ways, forget it. Just try to give them what they hired you to do, 'Teach English' means a whole lot more than speaking the language. Try to help them see who we are, and gently put forth some of your ideals so that they can get a 'Dose of America', sweet tasting, please!
I want to see at least 3 'BIG' paragraphs on 'Positive Thinking and new things you have tried. And what is the girls name? Does she speak any English? If so, try to find out how they think, is she pretty, tall or short, beautiful eyes and lips to kill for?
You know Grandma wants to hear the 'Real Stuff'
Gotta run for this time, Tell Doug hello from us,
We Love you boys. Grandma
You two are different, and in other ways so much the same. The likeness' are your compassion and kind hearts. I am glad you share that. Your "students" do have the unique experience of knowing "you", and experiencing those qualities. You may be underestimating the value of your lessons. At any rate the compensation is real, and if you focus on saving and building for later, your time there will be more manageable, if frustrating.
I think a fun girl to do things with would be a great idea, just remember that you are all on terms and people come and go.
And though you already know this. I was unhappy with SBC for close to 30 years...made it pay off though. So I know how you feel. I felt the same way in the Army (that was supposed to be an adventure) I was homesick/lonely...everybody drank (I didn't)...I eventually hooked up with friends and it was better.
You two are also looked over, so don't be afraid to ask.