Sometimes I wonder...
I'm sure everyone goes through this, but something has been bothering me lately. Some days, I'll wake up, and I'll have a feeling of confusion. I wonder why I'm still here (China) and what I'm really doing here? Is it really what I should be doing at this point in my life?
It's not that I don't like it here...but I find myself thinking more and more about home, things I like doing at home, people I miss, food I miss. I find that I'm disconnected from things I really like doing, that I just can't do easily here because of a language barrier and a physical barrier too. Example, driving. I miss driving. Video games - I miss my games. Granted games are big here, but it's different. Region restrictions / Chinese Firewall all these things make it difficult to do here. For example the game Lord of the Rings Online - an online rpg set in Middle Earth. Can't play it here...Can't even access the website without using a proxy. Why? Why does China feel the need to block this website and game? I have no idea.
Youtube hardly works, Flickr sometimes works, Blogger (where our blogs are) rarely works. It's just aggravating trying to use these things that have become an integral part of my Internet usage.
I want to get something that I can take with me and watch videos on. I want to watch some American TV Shows that I miss, but I don't always want to be sitting in front of the computer. Maybe I want to watch it while on the bus, or between classes as work. So I was thinking about getting an ipod touch or the new psp2000 (psp slim). Turns out they're asking MORE here for them than in America. I find that strange, especially since they're manufactured here. I mean come on...
Clothes are hard to find, shoes are difficult to get in the right sizes, socks/undies are next to impossible to get (mind you I'm speaking from a western side here.) and quite frankly, I'm getting tired of Chinese food and/or the western style foods we have here. I'm especially getting tired of KFC and McDonalds. I'm tired of Pepsi/Coke/Sprite/7up/Fanta Orange/Apple/Mirinda Orange as my soft drink choices.
However, I find myself really enjoying a new side of being here. That is having a girlfriend and all. She's been really helpful in a lot of things, I've learned a lot more Chinese with her help, and she's just fun to be around. Although she doesn't have the best reputation from past events, I'm just trying to be smart about the whole thing. We went to an arcade last week in Hankou... While there I won this really big stuffed animal that she's been wanting for a long time. Didn't take me very long either. It's head it really really big! Here's a picture of it:
While we were in Hankou, I also picked up a robe. It's nice and warm and should get lots of use during the upcoming winter. Funny that I bought it at a feminine undergarments shop.
I got those pictures of the apartment - It's a little late right now for me to get them uploaded, so it's going to have to wait until next time. Also, still trying to think about how I want to change the blog. Almost have it worked out.
Kevin: I'm working on trying to make the text bigger for you - I've just been busy for now...
I'm going to bed - I have the dreaded weekend coming up...Lots of changes are happening at work - I'm enjoying the job even less now than before. My feelings about working here are the same as when I was working at Echostar - except I was making more money at Echostar. Except here, I'm in a different country.
Good night all.
Man I know exactlly what you mean, I have been thinking about home a lot lately too, and how great it would be to just spend a couple months back there. I still don;t agree about making more money back home as I can afford more here, but that is hardly the point I guess. I would love to save all the money I can and take Janice on a trip with me back home, I would love for her to be able to see the US and everything it has to offer. If i did exactlly that for the next year perhaps I could get home with her in the winter of 08. You know I have been in this other province for almost a month now, and it's helped me realize what WuHan really has to offer compared to some other places in China and you know I think we are in a good place.
I to am tired of KFC and Micky D's, and I haven't been doing as much cooking as I used to, but hey now that we are in the same building perhaps I can do a little more, and yeah I am getting tired of the same soda and fruit drinks and stuff. It would be great to go home for a while and just chill out, but girl friends make being in China a little easier don't they? The communication is easier, it's nice to be intimate with someone again, even if it's just kissing and being close sometimes. I to am really hating my job though, there is this jackass there that I don't get along with and really it seems the thing to do is pay someone to renew your visa and work part time, why part time employees in China make more money is beyond me really. Someone can literally work 10 hours less than me and make the same cash. I have been wanting to get back into games and such as well, but yeah good point it's easier said than done ya know. Chinese internet is horribly unreliable at times ... I have been thinking a lot about family. I am pushing 30 it's really time for me to think about getting married to a nice girl and starting a family and such, even though I think I have met a great girl, i keep thinking "You know if we do have kids, do i really want them educated in china?" I keep hearing myself say no to that. Could be a problem later ya know, and i did find shoes that fit both of us, just took some looking, and there are plenty of places to buy western sized cloths if your willing to spend some extra cash. anyhow I have made a post on your blog, sorry bout that
Doug
Your reflections, of course, are well thought-out and considered. Some of them are addressable requiring a bit more resourcefulness (and probably, expense).
Your observations about China may create opportunities for you and like minds. Consider the possibility of increasing fast food choices by investigating franchises (ex. Subway ... they're always trying to expand somewhere). You have an "in" being in China, and a hopefully trustworthy gf to handle language and cultural friction. Spend a little time cultivating trustworthy possible partners (for risk-spreading, capital, etc).
Keep your mind open for, I suspect, a myriad of possibilities for financial profit.
At first, this is a pure mind exercise involving nuts and bolts, evaluating your own strong "suit" (high tech, fast food, import/export as examples).
Then move on to outlining a business idea and try it out on people who probably won't try to steal it.
I personally would consider getting in on something like that.
It DOES require long-term thinking, even though you don't necessarily have to commit to "hands-on" forever.
About shoes, clothes ... troll the internet for things you might want and investigate a big box transport (maybe involving other co-workers). Again, a bit of resourcefulness is called for.
Patrick
dude it would be bad ass for you to own a subway in fucking WuHan man! You would have one paying customer for sure, i'd eat there every other day!