Why I Never Plan... *sigh*
This is in response to Linda's final sentence in her last comment... For those of you that cannot read it; it was to the tune of We hope to see you at the Ren Fest in Oct. At least that's a summary of it.
I said I was coming to China, and I told everyone that it was for a year and then I'd return. Then we'd all go meet up in Vegas per Doug's plans, then return and resume life as normal or carry on with our new plans. That sounds all fine and dandy, except a few things have crept up on all of us the past few months.
My contract is getting ready to end shortly (early September) and I'm now trying to figure out what I want to do. What I wanted to do was return home for a month or so, and then either enroll in a University/College there OR return here for another year. I still think there is more for me to learn while here (example, the language) and there is a lot more for me to see. Plus the Olympics are next year. However, what I want isn't going to happen. The reason you ask? Simple....Semester start dates.
Turns out that semesters will begin right around the time that my contract is ending. So that leaves little to no time for me to enroll in school. Part of the reason for me coming here was a scheme to allow me to get better financial aid based on my yearly income. There is no time for financial aid to clear. Sure, I could pay for college out of my pocket, then apply for FA afterwards, but I don't think I have that kind of money.
I really really really don't want to work full time here another year. Honestly, it's just not worth it. At least at my school, I'm over-worked and under-paid. I feel like I have no time during the week... One of my days off is spent recouping, the other is spent being upset because work starts the next day. I don't really enjoy the work right now either, possibly because I know all I am is a bullet point on a list of advertisements for the "school." Business is places above education, and that doesn't sit well with me. I could try and work elsewhere, but I have a pretty good feeling that it's like this at all of these places probably. I'll probably be accused of not wanting to work, and that's not the case. Sure I don't like work, but I see that it's something we have to do. I just feel that I've worked hard for a long stint and it's time that I get back into school. In order to do that I need to put my whole effort into it and not have to worry about another full time job. It's just a strong feeling of I need to get into school, I can't explain it.
I could work part-time if I wanted, but then I'd have to pay for my own place and stuff like that, meaning I'd have to work more to pay for the extra things I didn't have to pay for during full-time. I could do under the table work, but it's always a gamble.
I could try working in a different country - but my options are limited due to not having proper qualifications, and this is one of the cheapest places to be honestly.
I've thought about enrolling in a 1 year Chinese language course here at a University. It's cheap, it'd be beneficial in the future, with more and more businesses doing business in China, and it'd be an accredited course meaning a transferable credit. However, I'd be here another year without a visit home. Not something I'm against, but not what I had my heart and mind set on doing. I could return during the September holiday for maybe 2-4 weeks, but economically, it's not a very sound decision. I'd have to pay for my own air-fare there and back. One-way it's anywhere from $800-$1200 dollars. So I'd be looking at like $1600 at the cheapest.
I'm so confused, I don't know what to do, time is running out, and a decision needs to be made. Do I like it here? Yes, and no. Do I want to stay? I don't mind. Do I want to go home? Yes, at least for a visit. There are people I want to see, things I want/need to do, and stuff I'd like to buy for a return trip.
There are things I want for myself - I want my own house, I want to be able to enjoy my work because it's something I want to do - not something I feel I should do for whatever reason. I want a girlfriend at some point, but without being able to have something to offer besides my good looks, I don't feel right about it, especially if their foreign they wouldn't be able to work right away.
I'm driving myself crazy, and I can feel the weight on my shoulders again. It's almost unbearable... Massages have become my friend here.
I just uploaded my pictures from my Xi'an China trip - they're up on my flickr page. I didn't get to do everything I wanted though because I was feeling like I was becoming ill when I got there.
Anyways, your thoughts are welcome. I'm sinking into a dark place I think.
Man ... you and Doug have "grown" so much in recent times (reflecting my admiration of your adventurousness and perseverence).
BTW, daddude is sitting here gawking while I'm typing this (ha ha).
Yours is the classic dilemma ... i.e. advantages/disadvantages to any decision made.
First, we thought you got some kind of compensation for a ticket back to U.S. - so don't understand need to buy ticket both ways. If you must pay each way, you're right, it probably doesn't make sense to spend all that dough to come here 2-4 weeks.
I guess that my view from your comments goes like this... the inertia favors you continuing your stay in China (enduring those things you reported) until clearly the benefits have been played out. (This assumes that you have confidence that delaying other alternatives doesn't derail your long term goals and that, once you return to US, you are very unlikely to return to China in the forseeable future).
That's the best I can come up with based on your thoughts ... but I DO know that this is a VERY hard decision. My take could be completely at odds with what's best.
Anyway, my trip to the East is going to be in 2008 after I get released from IRS (saving United Airline miles, pretty sure to have the 60,000 miles required).
I've found sidestep.com a good search engine for air fares. At least it gives you a benchmark with which to compare.
TTFN,
Patrick
Indeed time grows short..I too seem to peditate on issues untill almost the last minute. That is my process...maximum thought before action. It is a nerve-racking process that drives some crazy. I would like to see you in school here..working part time while in school. Good luck with your decision...I will be there in Vegas if you still want to do that. I thought of driving out in the Cougar..we'd drive back.
Tom, I don't know if any of us will make it to Houston in Oct. Everyone has things going on so all we can do is wait and see.
I do not know if you can do research on Universities where you are at but if you can you can check out all of the things you have questions about and some even have a question and comment section. The websites cover everything including financial aid. You could probably get in by the second semester and you never know what can be done until you ask. It doesn't cost you anything to check them out or to fill out the paperwork....a lot of this can be done online. Check it out and see if this can help you in your decision that only you have the answer. We know you will make the best decision for yourself and from your post I think you have narrowed it down and already have the answer.
The Olympics are going to begin on
08-08-08 and starts at 8pm. The news report says that 8 is considered a lucky number in China.